Doin' It Well...

I figure that anything worth doing is worth doing well.

This is a saying that holds a lot of truth.  I realize that I do this in most everything I commit to.  I have found that when I'm doing a project, I obsess about its "perfection".  I want to make sure I'm all in.  My mother used to tell me that I was an "extremist".  That I would over-do many things.

God love her, but I know she meant that as a criticism.  As I have gotten older I realize that maybe its not such a bad thing.  After all, I think it shows a certain level of character when a person puts forth their entire effort into something.  I've just never been a casual....anything!

I'm just not built to be a causal friend, girl friend, employee, etc, etc.  Everything I do I jump head first and make a wholehearted effort to give it my all in order to produce the best result.  Maybe that's why people say I'm kind of intense lol.  But wouldn't it be better to have someone like that on your side?  I had a guy tell me once that the "problem" with me was that I was an "all or nothing" kind of girl and that maybe I should be more "relaxed".

What????  What the hell does that mean?  This makes no sense.

And when you're talking about relationships with people, friends or more, do you really want someone who is not interested in being interested in you "all that much" but just "somewhat" or enough to be perceived as still "relaxed"?

Where has the passion for things gone?  Where has dedication and excellence?

Maybe that's why I'm so tired all the time...cause all the well I'm doing....is doing me in  lol

Gut feeling...Why I should always listen to you.

A while back I wrote about how I was adopting the philosophy of "Silence is Golden".  I decided that this was more than just a genius statement but a phrase that I would add to the list of phrases that I would use to shape my life.


But because I have the habit of second guessing myself, I went against this "rule" of silence.  And opened my damn mouth.  


There have been moments in my life where I have been proud of speaking out and saying what I feel is right to say at the time.  I am not usually a person of regret.  I feel that if I spoke at the time, then it was appropriate for the moment... consequences come what may.  I don't usually shy away from speaking what I consider to be "truths".


But my gut, my very soul, shouted out in loud unavoidable words of caution to keep silent.  Did I? No. Instead I listened to others.  I have wonderful people in my life.  People I trust and whose guidance is imperative to my growth.  But boy did they get it wrong.


I KNEW I should listen to the warning in my heart and stay silent...at least for a longer period of time.  I am learning that I sometimes the best person to glean advice from...is myself.  My gut.  My heart.  While it can be misleading at times, for the most part, when coupled with prayer and wisdom, it never leads me astray.

So nothing Earth-shattering happened other than a small change in the way I deal with something in particular. But that small change has created a need for larger changes.  And so the rippling effect is alive and active.  That one small change has rippled across my life and its effect is sending out waves of difference and change in other parts of my life.  I can say that it is good.  And yes, even in some ways, not so good.


But the waves keep getting bigger.  There is no stopping them now.  My gut tells me to ride the waves and appreciate that these changes are doing me well.  But I miss what was.  I miss it a lot.  And there is no going back.


Wish I knew how to surf...fml lol

Promise Breaking

Today I broke a promise to myself.

I swore the most holy of swearing (is that even correct grammar?) that I would NEVER, EVER, EVER do this thing I said I would NEVER do! (is this even a correct sentence?)

But because I feel that I am reaching a critical level (insert LOL here) I broke down and went against myself and broke my own promise.  I am not usually a promise breaker.  I feel that your yes, should be yes and your no, should be no.  The end. Period. There should be no going back and forth about things.  This behavior gets me into trouble under other circumstances.  But this feels different.  IDKY, so I can't provide an adequate answer.

Something this morning told me that maybe I was being ridiculous and should open my mind up to the possibility that I should do this thing once more.  So I did.

We'll see if I regret it :) Oh, God....I hope I don't.