Unexplainable

There are just some things I cannot explain.  And though the thought of this infuriates me, as I love to act like I know EVERYTHING, I realize that there are just some topics, some areas, some things I cannot explain.

Its frustrating.

Especially when I see someone hurting.  And they are asking me why they are hurting, and I KNOW the answer, but the answer is not what they want to hear.  It's not what they can receive.  So then I'm stuck in this moment saying something completely unintelligible like, "Well, because..."  THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER!  I wouldn't take that as an answer!

But how the hell do you tell a person an answer that they DO NOT want to hear.  That they refuse to accept. That they tell you over and over again can't possibly be the answer??????????

Ok...I need to go back to the basics.  Back to the truth of the moment and see what is really happening.

Our world is hurting.  People are hurting.  People are searching for an answer as to why they are hurt.  And they are not looking so much for an answer as to why they got hurt, but more so why when being hurt, did others hurt them more.  Or why they felt as if they were alone.

I need to seriously try to understand that concept.

What does it feel like to be alone?

What does it feel like to be abandoned?

What does it feel like to cry out for help...and no one answers?

Even in my most darkest moments.  Even during the times I felt so afraid and I felt consumed by the darkest situation...I don't think I can ever really say that I ever REALLY felt abandoned or alone.  I've never felt that.  I don't know what it feels like to be completely and utterly alone.  I don't know what it feels like to call out and have no one answer.

I know its because He's always been there.  I know that even when there was no hope around...there was.  I know that when all seemed to fail....He didn't.  So how can I speak this and make it make sense to someone whose heart feels and has felt abandoned by the one I'm saying won't ever abandon or leave us?

All the theology and scripture and "proof" and evidence and bickering back and forth will never make someone who feels alone....feel that they are not.

I guess some people can call me lucky.  I guess some people can look at me and say, "Well you must be some special person if when you called Him, He came."  But is that right?  What is it about me that "made it work"?  What is it about what I do or did that made Him BE THERE...ALWAYS?

I can say "belief".  But that's too....simplistic.  Because the abandoned can say, "Well, there was a time I believed."  So how do you answer a heart that is yearning for truth, and for....love.  That there is love to be found.  And its not hidden or secret or so mystically out of reach that its almost impossible to grasp.

How can I explain the Jesus I know?

How can I look at someone who is so great at keeping love out and keeping feeling away, and show them the God that I know?  Because it didn't "work" for them.  God didn't work for them.  Jesus didn't work for them.

But it did for me.

So I still don't have an answer.  I still have nothing profound to impart that will miraculously change anyones thinking.  And I know all the "right" answers.  But what if all those answers, still fall on ears that feel betrayed by God?

Now I'll pray for wisdom.  I'll pray for gentleness.  I'll pray for and open heart and open ears to hear the wounded.  Not so I can provide an answer...because clearly I can't.  But maybe....with the love I give....maybe with the embrace I offer.....maybe with the heart I open up.....I can show that I have all of that to give....Because HE has given it to me.

Maybe that's the answer.  People have hurt you.  People have betrayed you.  But the God of Love who lives in my heart will never let me mistreat you like that...and maybe if you see love through me...maybe you can see God's love for you.

Is that grandiose? Is that ridiculous?

Maybe all that I've been through in my life...all the pain and the tears and the struggle....and still never feeling alone....never blaming God....never turning my back on him...brought me to a place where I understand His love for me....

And now its time to share it....

God, please help me.  And speak your words of love and life through my lips...lest I fail miserably.