Hold me Jesus,
I'm shaking like a leaf.
You have been King of my glory,
Won't you be my Prince of Peace.
I remember singing along to it and not really absorbing what these few simple words mean.
Today, above any other day, I finally get what this song means. I am that shaking leaf.
Have you ever f**ked up so bad that you can't even begin to imagine how in hell you are going to get out of it? Sometimes I feel like I am drowning in the ocean. Its so vast and I have NO idea how in the world I am going to swim my way out of here. My past reminds me that all I have to do is "seek God" and "pray". But I just honestly don't know if that is gonna cut it this time.
I KNOW that God is big. I KNOW that he can fix something in an instant. I KNOW there are stories out there of people who have it MUCH worse than me and they manage to get out of their dilemma with God's help. I KNOW all this. But I am just standing in front of this Everest of problems asking myself what in the hell am I going to do.
I feel like I am in this completely alone. Yes, Yes, I KNOW that God is with me. I've been taught that since a child. But that does not change the fact that I STILL feel alone in this. I wish there was someone ANYONE who could say, "Here, let me handle this." or "Don't worry, I got you covered." I wish that there was a magic wand out there that could fix this mess.
But there is not. There is no fairy godmother, no magic pumpkins, no fairy dust that is going fix this.
I just have to do something ANYTHING to find a way out of this...
Lord help me
No comments:
Post a Comment