And now...so what...I don't know

It is coming to this moment in my life that I realize that my "reality" is not one that I was really wanting or ready to face.  It is now that I have to face the "reality" that what was is no longer and what is...kinda sucks.

When you are a child you wish that you life be reminiscent of movies and TV programs that you watch.  There is always some conflict that sappy background music and the perfectly executed lines from a script can fix.  Then everyone gets a hug and la la la...happy ending.

But real life is not that way.  At the age that I am you would think that things like family issues and problems wouldn't bother you as much as they do.  But the truth is that no matter how old you get there is still some segment or element of that 5 year old child that stays within you.  She comes out and throws tantrums and cries when things don't go her way or when "family problems" threaten her TV idea of how things should go.

So there was no background music or hugs and laughter during my recent "family issue" and there will never be.  I have to realize that the reality is, what it is.  I have to realize that the Huxstables and the Cleavers and the Tanners where all TV families that don't exist.  That families smile on the outside but slam doors, yell, hurt and curse each other out and there is no amount of background sappy music that is going to make that better.

Then there is the dilema of being raised in a "Christian" home.  I was lucky to have been in one.  and to some degree I still am...but it is a far cry from that "home" to the one I am now.  So what happened?  When did it all go to hell and how do we fix it?  Or do we?  Is it true that I just have to accept "what is"?  Is this new "reality" mine?  I have asked this recently when it comes to my health.  And to some degree I am learning to accept that and even to believe that there is a power above my own that can change and totally heal me of my disease...that I am healed.  So if God, being as great and loving as I know him to be, take time to fix me...why and when, most importantly, will he fix the other stuff?

I asked in another blog "WAMG"...What About Me God?

Little did I know I would be asking about this when it came to my family.  This weekend I learned so much about family...and lack there of.  And how what appears to be sunshine and roses on the outside...is not really so. 

When does this reality show get canceled?  This blog is confusing. I am confusing...its all so confusing.

When it comes to family and family relationships....when do you grow up enough not to care? 


Can somebody cue the sappy music already so we can get to the hugging?