The drops of rain came down more steadily. The smell of rain strong. Thunder and lightening filled the sky. But the air was still thick and hot. The summers seemed to get hotter each year. Even this storm could not cool the earth down. It was as if the heat came from every direction. Even each bursting drop produced hot liquid. The rain began to soak through her clothes now and fill her shoes. Her make-up began to run down her face. The footprints that led to the tree she sat under were now filling with water. She remembered that sitting under a tree during a thunder storm is quite romantic but incredibly dangerous. But she could not move. Instead of being pushed to stand up and return the way she came she felt compelled to stay right where she was. She was soaked through now. Her hair stuck to the sides of her face and back of her neck in thick ropes. Her make-up bled down into her white shirt leaving black circles upon her chest. Her jeans felt skin tight and her feet swelled from the abundance of water in her shoes.
The darkness was greater now. It came down upon her like a thick blanket. Soon the light in the sky was gone. It was dark, so very dark. She sat trembling under the tree now. She wasn't sure why she trembled, it was still so hot out, like the hot water of a bathroom shower. Sitting under this tree, soaking wet was starting to get uncomfortable. But she couldn't bring herself to get up. It was as if all the strength had gone from her legs. She felt so tired. She felt as if she were older than she really was. Her eyes closed and she tilted her head back, leaning it on the massive tree she sat in front of. The drops of rain came down hard and fast and somewhat larger through the leaves of the tree. Several times she had to tilt her head forward so as not to feel like she was drowning. She was looking down at her hands now but she couldn't see them, it was so dark.
The lightning kicked up. A bright flash of white exposed the thick gash of red open flesh in the palm of her hand. It soaked through the towel she had wrapped it in. The hot rain felt good against the large cut. But it made it bleed more and she could see the blood add more stains to her formally white shirt. It may need stitches. But she couldn't go to the hospital. Not again. They would ask her those silly questions. How can you explain it? How can you make people understand what you could not explain or understand yourself? She breathed a deep sigh. No, it would have to heal on its own. She was amazed at how well her body could heal. The ribs were not as painful as they were at first. And her knee was healing up just fine, she hardly limped anymore. Its the pains and scars you can't see that are the worst. Physical pain is only a manifestation of the deep pain she had been enduring. But who else would do it if she didn't? She had always felt like she was built to handle situations like this. Maybe her body had some super natural power to heal itself because she would need it for nights like this?
The hand began to pulsate now. The pain was getting stronger and more pronounced. The edges of the wound started to sting. She gripped her wrist in the hopes that it would dull the pain, but it only made her focus on it all the more making the open wound send shock waves up her arm. Amidst all the rain she could still smell her own blood and it made her head spin. How had it come to this? How did it all go so far? Her head spun with questions and memories. She lifted her head hoping for some clarity. Maybe the rain water would wash away every thought. She opened her eyes slightly, just enough to get her her barrings and see if it would help her feel less dizzy. Lightening flashed. It illuminated the grass around her and the trees in front of her. The path she had taken was brought to life as well. And there, in the middle of that muddy dirt road, he stood looking straight at her.******************* ************************************* *****************
How did he find her? This is the thought that echoed in her mind again and again. The rain came down harder now, like huge buckets filled with water. But she saw him clearly none the less. The shape of his body. His perfect shoulders, although hunched slightly now, showed the evidence of a man who consciously made an effort to keep an eye-pleasing muscle tone. The rain drops bounced off his clean shaven head and the light of the moon, although slight through all this rain, reflected atop it. He was still in his uniform. He looked completely adaptable to this environment, almost as if he didn't notice it was raining at all. His eyes neither squinted nor blinked under the heavy deluge. He just stood there, motionless. She could see his heavy breathing though. Since he came back from...well...he always breathed that way now. She could hardly remember how he used to breath before, that seemed like a dream now. Days and nights long gone and replaced with scenarios similar to this one constantly repeating themselves. How long could she keep this up? How long until her mind and body could not do this again?
While she asked herself these questions he made a sudden movement. He took a step toward her. His movement, although deliberate, seemed to give off a cautious tone. As if he wanted her not to be frightened that he was trying to approach her. She began to make the effort to stand up, using the tree she leaned against as support she began to push against it with her back. Her feet dug deep into the muddy ground and she could feel her jeans tighten and stretch as saturated as they were. The bark of the tree was brittle and cut into her shirt to where she almost noticed tiny fragments pinching her back. But her body felt numb at this point. Gripped with anxiety, alertness, fear, adrenaline and all those other fight or flight instincts. She felt nothing at her back as she slowly rose to her feet. Her body began to shake violently. Was it the cold rain? No, the rain was not cold. She realized it was fear. For the first time since he'd come back she was actually afraid. Really and truly afraid.
He must have seen her reaction, her facial expression, something. Because as soon as he did he stopped approaching her. And his face changed too. His eyelids seemed heavy and pulled his eyes down to the floor. His body rocked a bit and his arms hung limply at his sides. For this brief moment he almost looked like the man she had once loved. Long ago. Could he still be in there? Buried somehow beneath this new person? She felt an instinct to go to him. It was a compelling irresistible urge to reach out and hold him. And just as she began to let her guard down he lunged at her, slamming her back against the tree.
With one arm he grabbed her around her waist and held her as tight as a vice. The other gripped her in the back of the neck. The tree splinters dug into her back now and she could feel them. When her body crashed against the tree it woke her from the dream she was seeming to be having and she was now alive and very present in this moment. Staring into his eyes that were filled with fire and ice. Tears filled her eyes and her voice cracked in her throat as she begged, "Please. Please, Adam."
She felt his grip loosen slightly, just enough to let her slide down the tree a bit and land both feet firmly on the ground. She hadn't realized that when he had pinned her to the tree he actually lifted her off the ground. It felt safer somehow to have both feet on the ground, a lesson she should have learned long ago. "Adam", she begged, "Adam, don't do this. It's me! Can't you see that its me? Please, you don't want to hurt me." Tears stung her eyes as she begged. Would her words get through to him? Would he hear her? His name was Adam, this was true, but the man that stood before her, hands gripping and pulling at her neck and hair and his body smashed against hers painfully could not be the same man. "Abby?", he asked weakly. His face contorted as he fought back the pain in his eyes. Her hands climbed slowly up his arms, feeling her way through the muscles that pulsated under her fingertips. She gently touched his face and he closed his eyes. "Yes, baby. Its me...Abby". Her voice was filled with pleading and worry. It astonished her how even in this moment, and after so many moments like this one she found herself worried about him! "Baby, please. You are hurting me. Let go. You're alright. I am here with you. No one is gonna hurt you. Its gonna be o.k. Its gonna be o.k." She paused for a moment. Something was beginning to change in his eyes.
They moved rapidly under their lids. His eyebrows smashed together and his lips began to tremble. "Abby?", he asked again. He tilted his face up so that the rain poured over it. He kept his eyes closed and dropped his head again, "Abby, please help me." His body began to tremble in a way it had never done before. He was crying. His eyes opened and there he was, Adam, the love of her life. All the love she had for him, all the hopes she had for them, all the moments of laughter and love they shared washed over her in that one instant. "Abby, I....", his voice trailed off. He stared at her in the hopes that she might be able to read his mind, but he knew that he had to speak, he had to say the words that he had not said since he had come back. "I love you". And with those words they both sunk down towards the ground. She was cradling him in her arms now. She had longed for this moment for 2 years since he had returned. Holding him just like this, like she used to. His body convulsed under the cries that came from deep within him. He gripped her shirt and hung on tightly. They cried together. Could this time be the turning point? She held him so close she could almost feel his heart beating when suddenly the gun shot rang out and shocked her back into reality.
Was she hit? Was this it? Had he finally done it? She looked down at him and at her chest where she had felt the shot. She was covered in blood. But it was not her own. There was too much of it for it to be the wound in her hand. She hadn't noticed or felt when he had begun to loosen his grip, he had reached down and behind his back where he hid the gun. While she held him and they cried she didn't notice that he raised the gun to his temple and pulled the trigger. His eyes still open and still filled with tears stared back at her with a pleading stare. His body grew heavy in her arms and he began to lean back in her arms. "Oh my God! No! No!", she screamed. The screaming grew louder as she shouted his name over and over again.
And the rain came steadily down. Showering them from above and washing the blood and tears down into the ground. The lightening was all that was left from the thunderstorm and its flashes lit up the sky and the ground where they sat, she, still embracing him and he, lost forever from the past that haunted him.
