Actually I was forced to stop...
I was watching a movie tonight. It was actually quite pleasant. Sitting here alone in my cozy little place. Its surprisingly cold outside today and I am really getting into this "winter" weather. I bought myself something delicious to eat...though truthfully I should not have spent the money...put on my fluffy pink sweats and sat down to watch this movie and eat.
It was going rather well. Its funny how the silliest of things can warm the heart over. I think I am just beginning to get into the concept of liking the me I meet when I'm alone. She's really not that bad. I have found that now that I have all this extra quiet I can do things like read. I love to read. And really there are books out there that I should be reading and for the first time in my life I actually feel like I may just have the frame of mind to read them...interesting.
Anyways, there I was warm and cozy and watching this movie when POOF! My laptop decides that its going shut down on me....and it was really getting good too! Suddenly I had this realization. It was like this moment that jumped out and landed on my face. In this movie, the main character has a realization that she is hopelessly average and has done nothing with her life that she would deem as merited or note worthy. So she goes on this quest to master a particular field and catalog her experiences. During the course of time she discovers herself and the true meaning of blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada...
So as I sat waiting for this infernal machine to reload I realized that I am having the same crisis! I am that woman at the brink of....NOTHING. My life revolves around so much sameness that if I were to change it in the tiniest measure I may not know who the hell I am! This thought scares me to death. Is this it?
Is this all that there is? Ok, so at the risk of sounding uber philosophical and melodramatic I am realizing that something has to change here. So I decided that I would blog it out and try to figure out what I could possibly do to be less....ordinary.
That's it. I am ordinary. I mean I don't think of myself as less or anything, and yes, I do have some qualities about myself that others may think are above average. I am confident enough to say that without worry of sounding narcissistic. But I am truly average. Just filled with the mundane. When I started this blog I did so because I thought it would be cool just to write all this crap I have in my head down.
But really...I am an audience of one here. No actually according to my little "following" thing, its me and someone else. This person probably read my blog once and has never again. I guess its ok. And yes every now and then someone else...like a family member...reads it and makes a little comment to me. But I realize that this little blog is the only impression I have on the world. If I were to die tomorrow (cue the drama inspired music here lol) the only thing anyone might ever find of me is this blog.
What would it say about me? And is it enough? I don't know. I've never been a dare-devil. I've never challenged myself to anything "exciting" and mastered it. I've always just been ordinary.
So that's it. My mind spilled what it thought. This story....this story about a girl idea...well...there is not much to fill this story.
Who would want to know about someone ordinary when we all feel ordinary...whats so extraordinary about the ordinary?
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