I have been asked many times if my blog posts are things that I am actually going through or if they are about any thing (or anyone) specific.
I find these questions amusing.
But the honest answer is that my postings are specifically and non-specifically about me. Some of them have been inspired by things I have heard that happen to other people. I just try to identify with it and write something as if I was the one experiencing that moment. Other posts are definitely about me, all about me, in every way.
How do you distinguish between the posts that are the REAL me and from the ones that are not?
You don't.
My goal is to get out all the stuff I have in this brain of mine. So when I hear about someone else's tales of love and woe, perhaps it sparks in me a sentiment that I feel the need to express onto and through the written word...well, the typed word. Or maybe I had a conversation or an experience with someone or something and I just HAD to write about it...with my own twisted and colorful expressions added to it, just for fun.
The bottom line is, don't try to figure out if this is really how I feel about anything you read here. If you want to know, you can ask.
However, there is no guarantee that my answer will be from the REAL me or the me that wrote supposed experience.
Ahh, the beauty of mystery.
Wednesday
Who, What, Where, When, Why, How...
Who does he think he's fooling?
Who does he try to hid this from when its so obvious to me?
Who am I kidding...
What words do I avoid saying before I can't hold them in any longer?
What feelings do I hide before they start being evident on my face?
What signs do I ignore until the billboard falls on top of my car?
What looks do I give that force the mask I've been wearing to fall off?
Where does my heart go when my mind thinks about those things I've been trying to block?
Where is the rescue crew to save me from falling in love?
Where did all my sense go?
Where have all these questions come from when I wasn't asking any questions?
When do I stop telling myself, "That's not what you feel"?
When do I decide its time?
When is the right time to just go for it?
When is the moment I admit to myself that I cannot hide it any longer?
Why is it that when I try to think about something else, my brain doesn't cooperate?
Why do I smile still...hours later?
Why does my heart race, even after all this time?
How close to the edge can I get before I fall over?
How far can I reach before I slip?
How much can I lean before the wall gives out?
How hard can I press before my heart breaks?
Seesaw
When I was a kid....I never rode the seesaw.
I just never saw the point. I mean, it really didn't do anything but what I would consider as tempting fate with your life! Up and down you went...while "stationary" at the same time. How people considered this as fun still confuses me today. And it wasn't something you could do alone...you always needed a partner. WHO your partner was exactly determined what kind of "riding experience" you had. Say, if your partner was on the, ahem, "heaftier" side, your ass could be propelled up to the sky in one swift stomach-dropping motion while you try not to let go of the small handle bar in front of you. This scenario proved to be most unfortunate should your partner decide to get off the seesaw once they realized that you do not possess the weight requirements to shoot their pleasantly plump rear up in response to your weightless propulsion toward zero gravity.
Down you would fall...gasping for breath as your lungs, liver, spleen and pancreas were left floating above the body that has plummeted to the earth. And you know what happens next, don't you? The spine shattering "thud" in response to the seesaw end you are sitting on crashing down. How this playground "fun" ride was not banned is beyond me. Assuming you survive this experience to ever grow up and have children there are still those stupid enough to get back on and try again, hoping that THIS time, they will find a partner most suited for the ride.
And so it is with certain relationships. Up and down they go. You hope that this person sitting on the other end of your relationship seesaw meets the physical and emotional requirements that should make for a "pleasant" and/or "joyous" riding experience. But somewhere between the distraction of finding someone who's willing to ride with us and getting them somehow to sit down for the ride we lose sight of the fact that they do not posses the qualities necessary to make for a "smooth ride". And just when you think you got it under control, your ass goes shooting up faster than you can say, "Wanna play?". Then, when your partner realizes that YOU are NOT of adequate proportions to provide them with a ride that reciprocates the energy, time and effort they used to shoot you up there...they bail. And you come falling down, down, down.
Crash
Break
Fall
Ouch
Yet even with all of that....we want to go again. And sometimes...with the same partner. No matter how bruised, battered or beat up we get when that partner bails on us and we fall miserably to the ground, we my friends, are gluttons for punishment. The old partner is one thing, but a new ride partner is almost scarier. At least with the old one you know what you're dealing with. This new person may walk up to the ride with you and bail right there. Or maybe they get on but before you can even move the damn seesaw they change their mind! Or how about the partner that goes for a few passes with you and then prefers to ride with the person in the next seesaw cause he likes her "riding technique" (lol).
So why bother even getting on this stupid ride? Why waste time, energy, and hey, let's face it, a nice ass on something that could potentially bring lots of pain, bruising and trauma?
Why?
Because its worth that risk. I hate to admit that. I hate to admit that putting yourself out there and laying it all on the line is the most dangerous and risky thing anyone could do. But without that heart pounding, ear splitting, nerve wracking, nausea inducing fear that pulsates through your body when you take the risk...my God, you would never know what it feels like to feel your heart beat!
So...
Let the games begin.
Wanna Play?
I just never saw the point. I mean, it really didn't do anything but what I would consider as tempting fate with your life! Up and down you went...while "stationary" at the same time. How people considered this as fun still confuses me today. And it wasn't something you could do alone...you always needed a partner. WHO your partner was exactly determined what kind of "riding experience" you had. Say, if your partner was on the, ahem, "heaftier" side, your ass could be propelled up to the sky in one swift stomach-dropping motion while you try not to let go of the small handle bar in front of you. This scenario proved to be most unfortunate should your partner decide to get off the seesaw once they realized that you do not possess the weight requirements to shoot their pleasantly plump rear up in response to your weightless propulsion toward zero gravity.
Down you would fall...gasping for breath as your lungs, liver, spleen and pancreas were left floating above the body that has plummeted to the earth. And you know what happens next, don't you? The spine shattering "thud" in response to the seesaw end you are sitting on crashing down. How this playground "fun" ride was not banned is beyond me. Assuming you survive this experience to ever grow up and have children there are still those stupid enough to get back on and try again, hoping that THIS time, they will find a partner most suited for the ride.
And so it is with certain relationships. Up and down they go. You hope that this person sitting on the other end of your relationship seesaw meets the physical and emotional requirements that should make for a "pleasant" and/or "joyous" riding experience. But somewhere between the distraction of finding someone who's willing to ride with us and getting them somehow to sit down for the ride we lose sight of the fact that they do not posses the qualities necessary to make for a "smooth ride". And just when you think you got it under control, your ass goes shooting up faster than you can say, "Wanna play?". Then, when your partner realizes that YOU are NOT of adequate proportions to provide them with a ride that reciprocates the energy, time and effort they used to shoot you up there...they bail. And you come falling down, down, down.
Crash
Break
Fall
Ouch
Yet even with all of that....we want to go again. And sometimes...with the same partner. No matter how bruised, battered or beat up we get when that partner bails on us and we fall miserably to the ground, we my friends, are gluttons for punishment. The old partner is one thing, but a new ride partner is almost scarier. At least with the old one you know what you're dealing with. This new person may walk up to the ride with you and bail right there. Or maybe they get on but before you can even move the damn seesaw they change their mind! Or how about the partner that goes for a few passes with you and then prefers to ride with the person in the next seesaw cause he likes her "riding technique" (lol).
So why bother even getting on this stupid ride? Why waste time, energy, and hey, let's face it, a nice ass on something that could potentially bring lots of pain, bruising and trauma?
Why?
Because its worth that risk. I hate to admit that. I hate to admit that putting yourself out there and laying it all on the line is the most dangerous and risky thing anyone could do. But without that heart pounding, ear splitting, nerve wracking, nausea inducing fear that pulsates through your body when you take the risk...my God, you would never know what it feels like to feel your heart beat!
So...
Let the games begin.
Wanna Play?
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
